Photograph
by Haugh Wards
Summary: Harry thinks of a better way to get rid of Voldemort before the war begins openly. No bashing. A little bit of horror so rated M.


**Just a crazy little thought that has been gnawing away at my imagination the past week. Enjoy**

Harry Potter was thinking about the new school year he was in.

Fifth Year for one Harry Potter was not shaping up for a good one for the young wizard. People were avoiding him. The _Daily Prophet_ were slandering him, calling him an attention seeking liar and the Ministry hated him.

And to top it off, he had met someone who he believed was worse than Voldemort himself. Dolores Umbridge, the current teacher for DADA, was trying her best to make life miserable for him. Night after night, he was in detention with the vile woman, writing lines with a quill that seemed to draw on his blood.

And so here he was in the Gryffindor Common Room, staring at the crackling flames of the fire deep in his thoughts, thinking of ways he would like to torture the Defence professor when the two menaces of Gryffindor chose to sit next to him.

"Hello, Harry," Fred said. Or was it George. "Is the fire talking to you again? You're not going insane, are you?" The twin put on a fake look of horror. "Oh, no. The fire is talking to me again."

Harry smiled. If someone other than the twins had talked to him like that he would have been angry. But he knew they were just trying to cheer him up. They always made sure to have some time for him. Over the Summer at Grimmauld Place, they both learned that Sirius and Remus were the legendary Marauders whom they had idolised. The four of them had discussed prank tactics during the Summer while they were there that had placed fear into Professor McGonagall when she came across them discussing what to do at school for the coming year. Despite being out of school for several years, Remus and Sirius had been treated to a scary lecture from their former Head of House for giving the twins ideas.

"Yes," Harry smiled. "I'm telepathically talking to the fire. She wants me to burn you both for sullying Gryffindor House."

The twins and Harry laughed.

"Harry," Fred said. "We have an idea that might help us win the war a lot sooner before it really begins publically. But since you're You-Know-Who's target we thought we'd ask you first."

"What is it?" Harry asked.

Fred leaned in. "Do you think You-Know-Who would kill himself if he saw something that truly disgusted him? Other than himself."

"What do you have in mind?" Harry asked.

"Can you think of anything, anything at all, that would be truly disgusting?" they asked.

"I can think of something, but I'd rather not think of it," Harry said, shuddering at the near thought that almost went into his head.

"What is it?" the twins asked eagerly.

Once Harry told them, the twins felt like throwing up themselves and throwing themselves off the Astronomy Tower at the brief suggestion. But they knew it would work.

"But how can we photograph it?" George asked.

"I've got an idea," Harry said. "Dobby."

"Harry Potter calls Dobby," came a squeak. The elf appeared in an army camouflaged jumper, a golden tea cosy, and red socks.

"Good to see you my friend," Harry smiled. "Dobby, I need your help. I promise you whatever you want if you can carry out this task for me."

 **IlIlIlIlIl**

The woman didn't notice the camera in her bathroom as she danced around naked in her private quarters before she got into the bath.

The charmed camera clicked away constantly once she had gotten out of her clothes. Later on that night once she fell asleep a house elf named Dobby retrieved the camera to give to Harry Potter.

 **IlIlIlIlIl**

Harry made sure to keep the photo face down so he wouldn't have to chance looking at it. He made a copy to keep to use against future enemies. He was absolutely certain this tactic would work.

Once he had finished sorting it out he had the photo along with a forged letter in an envelope and on its way to its recipient by a barn owl.

 **IlIlIlIlIl**

Lord Voldemort was in his lair going over plans with his Death Eaters whom he had recently broken out of Azkaban. The only Death Eater not present at this meeting was Severus Snape, as the man had a facet to protect at Hogwarts.

Nagini stirred at his feet, smelling blood approaching. Nagini wasn't disappointed as an owl flew into the room carrying a letter. Nagini made to strike, forgetting she was under the table, knocking herself out when she hit her head against the underside of the table.

"Who dares interrupt my musings?" Voldemort snarled. The owl had already fled once she noticed the currently knocked out snake at the feet of the Dark Lord.

Voldemort eyed the envelope. Written on the front was the words _The Dark Lord_.

Voldemort cast a spell at the letter to check if there was any curses or hexes. When the result came back informing him that there was none he opened it.

 _Dear Dark Lord,_

 _My name is Dolores Jane Umbridge, and I love what you are doing to this world. I know very well that you are back, but I tell everyone that it is just delusional lies said by Harry Potter._

 _Your ideals are amazing. You cunning is brilliant, but most of all, YOU ARE BRILLIANT. I have included in this letter a photo of myself naked as I am quite sure you would like to see a naked woman. Do enjoy._

 _Hugs and kisses,_

 _Madam Undersecretary Dolores Jane Umbridge._

Naked? Voldemort thought. I haven't seen a naked woman since eighty-one. I might as well.

He pulled out the photo that was still in the envelope and unfolded it.

The Death Eaters observed the Dark Lord. Upon seeing the accompanying photo they watched as the normally balanced Dark Lord threw up violently on the table. The Dark Lord started shaking violently and was murmuring incoherently under his breath.

An unearthly scream went through the room which sent the Death Eaters ducking for cover to avoid the Crucios that normally came when he screamed like that. They stayed down for a minute when the Dark Lord stopped screaming. Slowly, the Death Eaters stood and noticed that the Dark Lord seemed to be passed out at the table.

Lucius Malfoy carefully walked to Voldemort's prone body and cast a charm to check the Dark Lord's state. The message came back that the Dark Lord had had a heart attack and a stroke and had already died.

Bellatrix Lestrange shrieked angrily when Lucius confirmed it. "Let me see what is in that letter."

She grabbed the letter and read it. She started drooling when she read that there was a photo there of a naked woman. Forgetting what had happened to her Lord, she cast a spell to enlarge the photo as her eyesight wasn't currently the best.

Soon all Death Eaters in the room were getting violently sick. Lucius turned his wand on himself and cast the Killing Curse to alleviate his pain. Unfortunately for him, the memory came with him after he died. Several other Death Eaters followed Lucius' lead and cast the same spell to themselves. The only alive one in the end was Bellatrix herself, who was catatonic and drooling, resembling the patients in the Janus Thickey ward.

Later on that day when Cornelius Fudge had arrived to visit his friend for his daily bribe with his Undersecretary Dolores Umbridge the photo was still up, claiming another victim once he saw the photo. He died of a heart attack on the spot.

Dolores Umbridge just looked at the photo before scowling that she had forgot to put on her fake magical tan that night.

 **IlIlIlIlIl**

Dolores Umbridge had been foolish enough to call Aurors to the scene. She had burned the photo off the wall but hadn't noticed Voldemort's body.

Once the news went out that Voldemort had seemingly died of a heart attack the Ministry went through a huge change. Amelia Bones became interim Minister and had turned around the entire Ministry in a vicious purging.

Albus Dumbledore found the Peverell ring in the Gaunt Shack, quite sure that Voldemort was still alive. However, the Horcrux in it had been deactivated. Dumbledore guessed this was because Voldemort had a heart attack. Voldemort needed the same heart if he were to survive something big like when Harry vanquished him all those years ago. Knowing that Voldemort was now taken care of, he retired from his post at Hogwarts and lived out the remainder of his life in complete solitude.

Harry Potter finished his years at Hogwarts without being feared of as it was now known that he was telling the truth about Voldemort. He eventually married and started a family.

Years later several rising Dark Lords seemingly died when they found a photo delivered to them from an anonymous source.

 **IlIlIlIlIl**

 **Several Years Later:**

"That's how you got rid of Dark Lords, granddad," asked Vera Potter, granddaughter of Harry Potter.

"Yes, Vera," Harry said. He was now old at eighty five and had several grandchildren. Vera was his youngest at twenty five. His eldest was forty one. "Now that you're an Auror, I wanted to share this tactic with you. The photo is in my study face down. Make sure you don't look at it."

"Thank you granddad," she said, smiling and left the room.

Harry Potter laid back on his recliner and went to sleep, glad he finally imparted his knowledge to his granddaughter.

 **AN: Silly little story, isn't it. Don't kill yourself at the thought of Umbridge being like this. I'm quite sure her ugliness could kill you.**


End file.
